Lots of changes to make. The big critique was clarifying the beginning and ending of the story, as well as making the worlds logic a bit more clear. I got lots of feedback from both animatic week and my peers, so I'm working on implementing it. A full list of feedback in shortform is below.
Feedback:
Hold ink feather longer
Clarify story with color and berries
Potentially delay the wolf reveal, scary red eyes chasing instead
Bring ending of the story back to painting?
Share color to show desire, build the character
Clarify the fall, don’t make it seem like she committed suicide
Ending doesn’t feel motivated
Questions of logic of taking the colors, only to return them
Environmentally friendly art, incorporate the nature into her sharing more
Logic of the magic at the end after being grounded at the beginning
Make the collecting of the pigment less scientific. Mix the color and make paint on rocks.
Make the color of the rock change after painting
Stroke the wolf, kindness to share the color
Less cliche ending, let the wolf leave and mutual benefit without needing to get something out of it.
Sharing doesn’t need to drain her, let it be beneficial
Take out leg break, make cliff natural end to chase
Bird works as spotter, finds girl when she reaches cliff and leads wolf to her
Shorten film down.
In service to that, the key work that I've been doing is revising the story and shotlist. I have already removed 5 shots, with the potential of another being removed from this version of the list. The ending has not been revised yet, so I will see how that changes.
Specific changes
-Revising opening; girl starts with berries already collected. Already in the "clearing" location to simplify movement and shorten transitions.
-Changed what type of art she does. Now does hand painting on a rock.
-This art now makes a visible change on the environment, removing the pollution and restoring color
-removed the dash through the rocks
-removed injuring her ankle, now just winds her. Possibly make this scene the reveal of the wolf as well?
-planning to make the reveal of the wolf much later. In scenes earlier where we see it, changing to a dark form with vague canine form. Cuts down on animation work and adds more dread (hopefully)
New Animatic (Changes only made to the beginning so far)
Sound is not in this version cause I didn't have time to edit that in. Changes are in the first 35 seconds right now.
Lots of ideas swirling in that funky brain of mine that I won't put down in this post, but expect them to be a bit more formulated soon.
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